IF IT CANNOT BREAK ITS EGG'S SHELL, A CHICK WILL DIE WITHOUT BEING BORN.

preliminary thoughts

When I finished Utena for the first time, I had no idea what I had just watched. It was so densely packed, so esoteric, that I was having trouble keeping up with Director Ikuhara's Wild Ride. By the time I had finished digesting one exchange, something out of left field I had no idea how to interpet would lead me away from whatever small conclusion I had made. What I did know was that I really, really liked it.

This density, I think, is part of what makes Utena such a delight to go through, over and over again. I've watched it at least four times in the past few years, with this series being my fifth go at it. This time, I'm going to be going episode-by-episode and writing about my thoughts on each as they come. I'm like a dog with a big ass bone here, the way I can chew on this thing for years.

As you can probably guess, this is not going to be spoiler-free. Specifically, I will be talking about later episodes and the movie in almost every episode's page. Beware!

Also worth noting is that Utena is not a lighthearted series. Incest, grooming, and sexual abuse are central pieces to the show's overarching plot. I will be talking in-depth about these topics as a result. Take care if these are potentially triggering subjects to you.

why utena?

There's a lot I like about Utena. First off, I like it because it's good. But let's go into that a bit deeper:

I think it's important to tell stories about difficult things. People are reluctant to talk about topics like incest and childhood sexual abuse. It makes us uncomfortable. When such topics are brought up, it's usually done either with the intention of deflecting/distancing the speaker from it (Sweet Home Alabama jokes, victim blaming statements, attributing abuse to a morally inferior outgroup, and so on), or with the intent of fetishizing it. Neither of these options makes for a productive or honest discussion of abuse. When we fail to have honest discussions, we create the illusion that these things are significantly less common than they actually are.

To put it more bluntly: We are failing people who are currently victims, and we are funneling future victims into a cultural meat grinder.

I would love to be able to write further about these ideas, but to be completely honest, I am not immune from feeling the same discomfort everyone else is. I don't like it! It doesn't make me feel good! I might even go as far as to describe it as a "total fucking bummer!" But analyzing one of my favorite pieces of fiction on the matter provides a nice springboard for me to bounce ideas off of.

One of these days, I'm going to write some kind of fuckin' thesis (without any of the academic value or peer review process of an actual thesis) about these things. But not today. Because it is Utena Time.